People@work: Conflict Resolution

Lessons from the trenches – Conflict  (Part 1)

This is a new column. It’s the result of one too many enticing headlines about an important topic that wasn’t written from the trenches. The trenches are where real people with real problems need real answers. So the focus will be on keeping it real and offering ideas that really work.

People@ work are often on the frontline. Some days, it feels more like the firing line, especially when disagreements become contentious or counterproductive. Although reasonable people can disagree, how they disagree can quickly overcome what they’re disagreeing about.

As an executive recruiter, many clients ask me to help them find people who’re skilled at building effective teams. That includes a strong track record of effectively resolving conflict. So I’m constantly evaluating people’s relationship with conflict. Many tell me they’d rather avoid it. So would I, as far as that goes, but it doesn’t go far. Wherever there are people, there will be differences. The potential for unproductive conflict is interwoven within those differences, as are golden opportunities for learning how to productively process differences.

Most of the ideas for this post are geared towards peer-to-peer conflicts since vertical conflicts involve different dynamics. The suggestions offered come from experienced executives who’ve learned that conflict is not a bad word. It starts with reframing conflict, to see it in a different light. Next month, we’ll address the strategies that work best as we try to get the most out of conflict.

Rethink Conflict

• Start by changing your mindset about conflict; it’s unavoidable.

Conflict is automatically built into every day. We don’t have to go looking for it; it finds us. Examples include different priorities, chronic resource shortages, poor communication, conflicting expectations, personality differences, problems at home. The list is endless. Conflict is inherent to work.

Second, rethinking conflict also requires us to embrace the reality that people are different and different isn’t bad. Disagreement is not conflict. Part of your job is to draw out those differences, build on the best ideas offered by others to forge a workable consensus.

• Conflict is productive, providing it’s done right.

Conflict produces different responses; some are productive, many are destructive. Complaining, blaming or ignoring are typical responses. It takes more effort and energy to step up and engage in meaningful dialog. But until or unless someone does, nothing productive is likely to happen, thus the caveat ‘providing it’s done right.’

For a variety of reasons, (to be explored in later posts) avoidance is also a typical first response to conflict. It’s also one of the most deadly. Unresolved and prolonged conflict take a serious toll on team productivity, as well as the emotional and physical health of all involved. Like a festering wound that goes untreated, eventually things get to a point where they can no longer be ignored.

Think of the early stages of conflict as the emergence of productive tension. Different people have different levels of sensitivity to that tension. Some run from it; others get numb to it. Still others seem to thrive in it. There are a wide range of strategies and techniques for engaging others in a formal conflict resolution process. These efforts are best led by people skilled at intervention.

Oftentimes, by simply shifting the question from, “who’s right” to “what’s the best course of action”, or something as innocuous as, “I wonder what would happen if we spent more time on developing solutions and less time  bickering”, a breakthrough occurs and the debate moves forward.

The goal here is to get real about conflict in the trenches. Do you recognize its presence? What is your typical response? Are you the one who steps up to engage? If not, are you willing to become one? What would you like to change about your relationship with conflict.

• More than anything, conflict means opportunity. 

Specifically, you have the opportunity to:

• Learn how to recognize, appreciate and process differences.
• Learn that conflict is often a signal that something needs to be done.
• Improve your communication skills; especially listening.
• Reminder: it’s business, not personal. Reasonable people can disagree.

Lessons from the trench about conflict:

      What works:

• Seek first to understand; then be understood. Ask, listen and understand. Then talk.
• Clearly communicate your desire to seek solutions. The goal is to reconcile differences, if possible and forge ahead; not diminish opposing views.
• Look for opportunities to repair damaged relationships by building trust. Being ‘right’ is overrated. Few arguments are ‘won’, but many relationships get lost in the battle.
• As iron sharpens iron, a healthy tension produced by conflicting views can yield better solutions.

       What doesn’t work:

• Conflict produces emotion, which often escalates the conflict. As emotions rise, recognize when it’s time to call a timeout. Don’t attempt a critical conversation when you’re upset.
• Words are powerful tools. They can be your best friend or worst enemy. They can promote healthy dialog and debate, or set a divisive and counterproductive tone.

Conflict is inherent to work. It offers great potential for productive outcomes, yet oftentimes is experienced as counter productive, or even destructive. Any comments/insights you can offer that help to clarify are welcome. By subscribing, you’ll receive updates on other topics of interest as well.  Driesenassociates.com