What does success look like for me?
As an executive recruiter and coach, my job is helping candidates achieve success, in their jobs and their careers. While it may seem counterintuitive, success in one does not necessarily lead to success in the other. So in order to clarify what’s going on with my candidates, the question, “What does success look like for you” is a great way to start the conversation. Their answers not only help me to help them paint a target, they also provide insight into how realistic, or not, they are in their expectations.
Success may not be what you think.
Most people start their answer to that question with their professional goals. Upward mobility, more challenge and more money are typical desires. They make no reference to the impact their professional success will have on their personal life, except that it’s assumed it will be enriched. Yet it’s unrealistic to target professional goals, without also considering the corresponding personal impact or toll. There is only one life and success impacts both.
Once I understand their professional goals, the real question comes next. “What are you willing to give up in your personal life to get what you want professionally?” There’s always a pause as they process, “What does that have to do with what we’re talking about?” Sometimes the pause is long. I experience that disconnect often, as perfectly illustrated during just such a conversation.
I was interviewing a candidate around 8:30 at night. She had just finished feeding her two children, giving them a bath and putting them to bed. Her day started at 5:00 that morning and I could hear the exhaustion in her voice.
So I asked her, “What does a successful outcome look like for you in this process?” She said she needs to find a different job; the sooner the better. Her goals included fewer hours, less demanding, less travel and preferably, reduced drive times. She added, “I need to lower my stress. It’s in the red zone.”
Then came the kicker. “But I also need to make at least 20K more because my husband and I just built a new home.” After repeating her comments so she could hear herself she said, “I guess that doesn’t make sense, does it?” The disconnect got connected as she grasped that less and more typically don’t fit together.
Candidates in the early stages of their career often define success with an image of what they imagine it should look like. The upside of that image includes smiling faces in fun places. Most often, the target they paint includes a progression of impressive titles, bigger paychecks, all the accoutrements and the inescapable conclusion reached by their family and friends: “You’ve made it”.
Yet as their careers advance and they hit successive success targets, some find they still don’t have it made. Behind the smiling faces, a different story often plays out. And ironically, it’s often their family and closest friends who get the disconnect, since they’re the ones who feel the personal effects of professional success. Like taking a trip because the shiny brochure looked appealing, when you arrive, it wasn’t what you hoped for.
What are you willing to give up?
That’s the price tag. For many of our choices, we often buy the sizzle. Any good sales consultant will tell you their customers don’t just buy a pair of shoes; they buy the experience of how they will feel when they wear them.
We may buy ‘sizzle’, but we often end up paying more than the price tag. Life is a series of choices and tradeoffs, including those in your job and your career. Unfortunately, important choices sometimes are made without the consideration they deserve. Sometimes, they’re made even without the knowledge of the person who made them.
You might ask, “How is it possible someone would important decision and not be aware of it?” Some important decisions turn out to be the byproduct of earlier choices. The eventual consequences were unforeseen when the original decision was made, due to the disconnect.
For example, you’ve just accepted a new position. The title was a nice step up. The salary was a nice step up, especially now that you’re included in the bonus pool. You have more responsibility, more challenge, more direct reports, more, more, more. Including more commitments, more problems and demands. More headaches and more stress.
Sometimes, less and more do fit together. More responsibility and challenge mean less time for you. It also means less time with friends and family. If you’re married with a family, your spouse and children will see less of you and you’ll see less of them. Would you have still accepted the promotion, if you knew all of the unforeseen impacts that eventually played out?
Some things to consider
In my business, some of the most important lessons I’ve learned are ones I’ve had to learn more than once. I keep learning them until the pain gets loud enough to hear. It registers for a time, but then I forget. So I have to learn them again.
I also learn by listening to others. If I’m willing to learn from the pain of others, maybe I don’t have to repeat their mistakes. So I pass the lessons on to others in hopes they can avoid some of the same potholes.
One of those holes is not understanding that success has a price. It’s better to buy something up front knowing the full price, than paying for it dearly, at a cost far more than it was worth.
Another pothole I’ve stepped into many times is one I hope I’ve finally learned to avoid: every time I say yes to something, I’m saying no to something else, even if I don’t know what that is at the time! There is a connection between our choices and their consequences. We need to understand the tradeoffs before we get to, ‘yes’. It’s a word that comes far too easily, considering the ‘no’s’ that follow.
It’s certainly not my intent to paint a negative picture of success. In over 25,000 conversations, I’ve listened to the stories of some remarkably successful people. In a subsequent post, I’ll discuss their attributes and how they’ve ‘made it’.
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